Aside

For a whole week, I have eaten nothing but fruit and vegetables.  I don’t like fruit and vegetables.  I like vegetables more than I like fruit but I would really prefer to nosh on meat.  So when I began forcing myself to eat fruit, I was a bit concerned that my body might reject this shit.  But for a week, I’ve been eating like this…crunch, crunch.  It’s so hard to eat that sometimes, I find myself with my cheeks full of vegetables (carrots and peas and whatnot) because it’s difficult to swallow this crap.  But once I do swallow it, I feel the energy from the plant so that’s good I guess.
 
I’m trying to eat better.  Carrots and cucumbers, pears and peaches will NEVER taste as good as burgers and fries but I really want to lose weight.  Also, I’ve given up cheese, which I really used to enjoy.  So I’m finding myself TOTALLY craving cheese.  I’m not even sure what sort of cheese I want…just some sort of hard, flaky, delicious cheese.  I was telling myself that this craving for cheese must mean I’m deficient in protein.  But then I was like, “Nah.  That’s redonk.  You’re not deficient in protein, you just want some fucking cheese.
 
Love,
 
(dieting sucks big time),
 
Stef

Aside

Hi
 
Here’s what happened tonight:
 
I went to the bathroom and saw the color red.  I was so hoping not to see that anymore, but there it is again.  I was hoping it’s over forever.  I want the days of stuffing bits of cardboard and cotton up there to be so far away from now.  But instead, I saw red again, today, on Valentine’s Day.  How romantic.  (Sarcasm).
 
I thought about women all over the world and how seeing red is for them tonight.  I thought about some young teenager who has been having sex unknown to her parent(s), afraid of a uterus full of a baby feeling extreme happiness and relief at seeing red.  Or a pre-teen, excited and proud to see it for the first time.
 
Or the woman in her late 30s, early 40s, enduring IVF, devastated to see red again when that’s the last thing she wanted to see.
 
Or the woman on the threshold of 50, like me, who sees red and is just annoyed.
 
Gosh.  There are so many women everywhere, each with a story.  I pray for us!  We all have our emotion with the red.
 
Love,
Stef :)

Soft

Some shit happened over here.  The power went out yesterday and stayed out all night and into the morning.  Of course, I needed to write because it seems that writing is how I spew things out, sort of like popping a zit.  But I couldn’t write to you on the computer because, no juice.  So I wrote long hand with paper and pen.  Here’s what I wrote to you all:  (grab a Teddy bear…this is kind of long…) (Everything below is what I wrote with my pen on paper)
 
This is what I wrote long hand on 2/16/14 Sunday:
 
I was standing in my kitchen when suddenly the electricity in my house said fuck it and quit.
 
Dark and quiet.
 
Well, crap.
 
I groped my way to my bedroom where I keep a loaded flashlight for just such an occasion.  I was careful with my feet. I’ve damaged a toe before, blundering about in the dark.
 
Gracefully, I navigated my way.  I know intimately the layout of the land in here.  As I reached for The Torch Of Goodness and Illumination, Tara came out of her room to check on (rescue if necessary) me.  She was utilizing the light from her cell phone.
 
“Are you alright, Mommy?”
 
“Yes.  I’m okay.”
 
Flashlight in hand, I made my way to the coat closet in the living room.  Here, I keep a battery operated Coleman lantern..  Will the batteries still work?  Yes!  They do.  Bright light.  Now I can think.
 
Didn’t I pay that last electric bill?  Did I forget?  No.  I paid it.  I’m sure of it.  (I think).  Turns out, everybody on my street, on this side, has no electricity.  It’s interesting to me how much we depend on this thing, this electricity thing, and how strange we feel when it suddenly becomes unavailable.  I almost feel as if I’ve lost a limb or something.
 
We really take electricity for granted.
 
Who was that guy that came up with this?  Madison?  Franklin?  Edison?
 
I forget.  I would totally look that up but I have no electricity so my computer is this useless metal thing…
 
As for light, I hope the batteries in my lantern last until such time as the Earth spins about and the bit I live on faces the sun.